There is a victim who have chosen to survive by overcoming what has happened through their own choices and willpower. To deal with such a person; needs the understanding of responsibilities as well as consequences that are carried with it.
Rape is a petrifying event that affects your mind and body. It creates a sense of fear of either any physical contact or shame or embarrassment. If you have willingly taken a step to love and date such person you need to take care for some points.
1) No Recalling flashbacks- “What happened to you? How did it happen? What was the person like or the place?”
You already are much aware of the things that have happened. No need to pretend the other way. If you believe it could develop some emotional strength between you, this is definitely not the perfect time and place.
The outcomes of after rape may vary from person to person. It is important you don’t induce yourself or the survivor in any event that recalls the flashback. That may be in the form of sound, smell or location.
2) Be less sympathetic- “I really understand what you must be feeling right now.” “It has been just not your fault” and etc.
This may aggravate the victim’s feelings of being responsible for the event or the guilt.
Its your date, enjoy it without sympathizing the person. It would obstruct the surviours mind to ever come out of the situation. It is true, it was never the victim’s fault, but that sort of warmth is only needed if the person is still undergoing emotional distress.
3) Don’t empower with emotions: -“ where have you lost? You used to like me or do the things this way and that way”
According to a victims guide, a person at this stage feels completely from life. They don’t feel the general emotions that they usually used to feel like love for children or feelings of anger, grief or pain.
So; form an opinion, bypass putting such tensions.
4) Make the person believe that you like him as a person and not a victim: - “This is the time you deserve to be treated better”
This type of statements is never recommended. Your intentions may not be worse where you wanted to support; but the choice of the words has a lot’s of follow through. “You are a lovely person whom I like and have always wanted a chance to prove it. It is this way you deserve!”
Well, this seems a little better.
5) Avoid any talks about sex or physical contact : - “ If we could kiss?”
This could have been a normal if you are dating an adolescent who is emotionally in vogue.
The event has created fear for any physical contact even with the closed ones or the intimate partner. Provide with a fair amount of time to deal with it.
This may not be the same case for every survivor, their reactions may be contrasted. It’s suggested to avoid it with the first date.
6) Talk a lot with lots of playfulness :- “weather forecast for tonight: It could be dark”
Make the person laugh or talk even it’s your most stupid joke. Engaging the person in all the different topics, bringing him out of the environment and the thoughts are important. And if you are successful in doing it, you have done a great deal. This would definitely the most difficult part of your beautiful date.
But without doubt a try for worth.
7) Never give suggestions to get over and move on.
When a person is in pain, her pain is her own. It is difficult to experience or understand someone’s pain and especially the case of rape which is rare in society. It is like reaping away of the self respect of a girl so just don’t try to educate your theory and help her to enjoy all situations.
8) Be Patient and let her be herself
Be there for her. This is what she wants.
These are the primary things to be taken into consideration, however every reaction should be in accordance to the state of mind of the survivor. If you are interested in that person, make sure not to push it above the fragility limits. You are a beautiful person with beautiful intension who has the power to get them better
To add a note to it; dating a rape survivor is not a “no water left issue”. However a small error can cause undesirable effect on their mind and behavior. It is better if you leave them with a decent amount of space and time before you put into action any of your decisions. Enjoy your date!
8 things to remember while dating a rape survivor
Comments